Random Final Fantasy Moments
by TuxedoBlue
Summary: Stupid things endure when Cloud comes around. Rated T for language, and random gay moments. No sex or anything. Just random gay moments...
1. McDonald's Disaster

Hey what's up? Yukizama (AKA Jackie) here with a random Final Fantasy VII Story. Ah well, here ya go!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy (although I wish I did). And aside from this, SEPHIROTH OWNS THE WORLD! MUWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH! You must bow down to him or he will eat your cheese puffs in the middle of the night.

Sephiroth: Yes… Cheesy goodness.

Me: o.O

Chapter 1: Randomness

The blonde haired Cloud Strife walked down the street. "I feel like… MCDONALDS!" He happily ran towards the fast food restaurant. "Yeah, I want a hashbrown and some pancakes please." Glowing green eyes stared back at him. "Cloud, we don't serve breakfast at 2:14 in the afternoon. Pick something else." "Well excuse me, Sephiroth, but I believe YOU are serving ME." Sephiroth sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but we don't serve breakfast at this time. Now either choose something else or go away." Then an annoying voice came out of no where. "Excuse me, Sephiroth, are we having a problem?" The silver haired mako gasped. "No, no! No problem at all, Yuffie!" Yuffie grinned and pushed her short hair out of her face. "Good, because I am assistant manager and I can have your butt fired in like 2 seconds mister!" Sephiroth began to protest but then looked at Cloud. "Well this idiot wants breakfast and it's like 2:15." Cloud glared. "I want things my way! That's your rule isn't it? "Have it your way"?" Yuffie sighed. "Uh Cloud, that's Burger King. This is McDonald's. And I apologize for the inconvenience but we don't serve breakfast items past 10:30." Cloud crossed his arms. "But I want hashbrowns! I'm gonna sue McDonald's!"

Suddenly a booming voice erupted. "SUE MCDONALDS!" The manager, Barrett, walked out from the back. "No, no, there's no reason to sue us, Cloud. Sephiroth, what the hell does he want that you can't get him?" "He wants breakfast." Barrett looked at Cloud. "At 2:17?" Cloud nodded. "Dammit, you idiot, we don't SERVE breakfast past 10:30. Why are you so stupid!" Cloud started pouting and protesting. "Oh gee, Barrett, I am your best friend…" "No you're not!" "…and you can't do this one thing for me? For shame, Barrett. For shame." Barrett rolled his eyes. "Look, you can have ANYTHING but breakfast. Now hurry up, you're holding up the line." The manager walked away from the scene and Yuffie started patrolling around again. Sephiroth sighed. "What do you want Cloud?" Cloud cleared his throat. "Ahem, that is not the correct way to speak to a customer." Sephiroth muttered under his breath and was thinking of casting Supernova, but there's no possible way he could pay the damages if McDonald's were to be destroyed. "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order, sir?" Cloud nodded. "I'd like 3 chicken mcnuggets." "Cloud, nuggets come in either 4 packs, 6 packs, or 10 packs. That's it!" "Fine Mr. Bossy. I'll take 30." Sephiroth's eyes widened. "What? You can't possibly eat all that!" "Fine. 40." The cashier growled and set the order. "That's $5.25." "$5.25! In my day, they were only $5.24!" Sephiroth stared at him. "Your day? What are you talking about! THIS IS YOUR DAY!"

About two minutes later, Sephiroth handed the bag to Cloud and sighed. "Well you managed to hog up my last 10 minutes of work. Dammit, Cloud. You idiot." Cloud laughed and played with his chicken nuggets. "Ha ha, look it's shaped like a dinosaur." Sephiroth smacked it out of his hands. "I'm not on shift anymore, so YOU can pick that up." Cloud began crying. Just then Reno walked in with Rude. "Take notes, Rude. McDonald's is dirty. Note the chicken nugget on the floor." Yuffie gasped. "HEALTH INSPECTORS!" Barrett ran out. "WHAT! HEALTH INSPECTORS! Oh hell no! Sephiroth get back on duty and pick up that nugget." Sephiroth glared. "But my shift is over!" Rude started writing on a clipboard. "Ah yes, good job Rude," Reno stated. "Take notes on the miserable and evil looking employee. Tell me…" Reno read Sephiroth's name tag, "…Sephiroth? Do you even have dental?" Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "Reno, this is a McDonald's. They don't GIVE dental!" Rude began writing again. "No dental, eh?" Reno tsk tsked and began to look around. "Hey, what the hell are you doing!" He looked at Barrett who was spraying air freshener on the nuggets. "I'm trying to make them smell nice." "Dammit, you're gonna kill someone!" Sephiroth was looking out the window. "Too late," he said as someone bit into a nugget, began choking and crashed into a fire hydrant.

Reno gaped in horror as he saw the car explode. "Why did it explode? It was just a fire hydrant!" Sephiroth exclaimed, rolling his eyes. Rude shook his head and Reno nodded. "My lovely bald friend is right!" Then he randomly turned and kissed him. After the kiss, he turned back to the others. "You guys should be ashamed! Look at the poor fire hydrant!" He gestured outside. "It's dented!" Sephiroth arched an eyebrow. "Uh, shouldn't we be more worried about the person who died? I think it was Aeris." Cloud sat on the floor, staring in horror at the nugget. "It was so young!" Sephiroth stepped on the nugget and Cloud burst out in tears. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU SEPHIROTH!" Reno gasped. "Someone get that squished nugget to a hospital quick!" Sephiroth crossed his arms. "IT'S ONLY A NUGGET!" Reno stared at him. "Only a nugget? What if that was your nugget out there? Huh? How would you feel then, Mr. One-Winged Angel!" Sephiroth sighed. "So what are you going to do, Reno? Tear this place apart because it's dirty?" Just then a bulldozer knocked the roof off and everyone looked up to see Cloud driving a wrecking ball. "No, I am!"

_Later that night…_

Sephiroth was at home playing the Sims. "Dammit Jenny, go make out with Alma!" He began whining just as the doorbell rang. He paused the game and walked to the door only to find Cloud, Tifa, and Yuffie. "What the fuck are you guys doing here!" They all yelled in unison, "SLUMBER PARTY!" Sephiroth glared at all of them. "NO! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Cloud whimpered. "But we brought guacamole!" Tifa raised her eyebrow. "Cloud, that's not guacamole, that's facial mask." Cloud put a chip into it and ate it. "Mmm, guacamole!" Sephiroth growled. "I'm not kidding get out of here!"

_Two hours later…_

Sephiroth glared around the room as they all put make up on him. He had tried to resist for over an hour, but the female mind was too cunning. Cloud just sat there eating the facial mask the whole time. By the time the girls were done picking and waxing and messing with his face he walked to a mirror. "Oh… my… GOD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!" He had pink eye shadow, purple lip gloss, blue mascara, red blush, and they braided his hair. "Nuh uh! No way! Why couldn't I get my makeover like Cloud!" Cloud smiled. He had black eye shadow, black lipstick, black mascara, and white blush. "Because only the beautiful people can wear black." Aside from the makeup, Cloud had pink pajamas on. Sephiroth on the other hand wore his normal black leather. "Cloud, I wear black all the time!" "Yeah but no one ever said you were beautiful."

The next morning, Sephiroth kicked everyone out of his house. "Damn, Yuffie, Tifa, and Cloud," he muttered as he walked to his bathroom to take a shower and get all the crap off of his face. He took his leather off and put the water on super hot level. He got into the shower and lathered his body with soap and began humming his theme song. There was a flash of white light and Sephiroth opened his eyes. Cloud was in the shower with him and a waterproof camera. "Hiya, buddy. Just taking a shower to wash this stuff off my face. Black is so ugly!" Sephiroth screamed out. "Cloud! What the hell are you doing in my house? In my shower? WITH ME!" Cloud grinned. "I already answered that." Sephiroth pushed him out and closed the curtain. "GET OUT!" He felt extremely violated and angry at the same time.

Cloud sighed and walked away with his camera. "Oh well, one for the internet," he said halfway down the street. "Now where should I go? I KNOW!"

Reno answered the door. "Hello? Cloud what the fuck are you doing here?" Cloud smiled. "I need help with my life. Will you be my psychiatrist?" Reno looked around. "Uh, sorry Cloud. I'm kinda busy." Tifa's voice yelled. "Are you coming back? Rude and I can't do this without you!" Cloud's eyes widened and he backed away and began running. Reno gasped. "It's not what you think!" He sighed and walked back to the kitchen to help the two open the pickle jar.

Cloud sighed and walked down the street. "Ew… Tifa, Reno, and Rude. Gross." He pondered what to do next. "I'LL GO TO MCDONALDS!"

_Five minutes later…_

When he got there it was torn down. "Oh yeah. I'll go to HOT TOPIC!"

_Five minutes later…_

Sephiroth held up a jacket. "Hmm, this is interesting. Excuse me, how much is this?" "That jacket with your face on it is about $104." "Oh my god! Such terrible prices. What the hell is your problem! It's just a jacket! Then again… I'm on it… I'LL BUY IT!" As you can tell, Sephiroth is a conceited son of a bitch. Anyways, then Cloud walked in. "Oh my gosh. What are the odds? I come to my favorite store only to find my best buddy!" Sephiroth gasped and looked around. "I don't see Barrett around here." "No silly, you!" "Cloud, I'm not buying you anything!" "PLEASE SEPHIROTH! IT HAS MY PICUTRE!" Sephiroth growled and ignored him. "Excuse me, how much for this sword?" "Wow, I don't remember that being at our store." Cloud looked around. "Hey! That's my sword!" Sephiroth grinned and ignored the crying Cloud (lol it's raining. ignore that dumb joke). "Well I'll sell it to Hot Topic for about $4000." "Deal."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The End (so far…)

Will Cloud ever get his sword back?

Will Reno, Tifa, and Rude open that pickle jar?

Will McDonald's come back?

What happened to Aeris?

Why is Yuffie so annoying?

And what about the nugget?

Tune in next time for… STUPID FINAL FANTASY MOMENTS!

Sephiroth: We would also like to state that no nuggets were harmed in the making of this story, although Aeris was, and we don't own Hot Topic or McDonald's or any other thing mentioned in this story. o.O

Me: I apologize for it being short, but if I get good reviews I'll add more. If I get bad ones, it'll all be over. 


	2. You idiot!

OMG! O.o Thanks for the reviews! Anyways, here's chapter two of Random Final Fantasy Moments… Sorry it took forever P

Sephiroth: I RULE THE WORLD!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!! -sings theme song-

Me: O.o Here's the disclaimer. I don't own anything in the story, blah blah blah… But I do own Sephiroth! -holds up paper-

Sephiroth: What?!

Me: Yep. I bought you from Cloud for a nickel and a chewed piece of gum.

Cloud: IT STILL HAS FLAVOR!!!

Sephiroth: -cries-

Me: Yeah well I don't own anything ( ON WITH THE STORY!!!

Chapter Two: "You Idiot!"

"SEPHIROTH!!!!!!!" Sephiroth turned around and looked into the blonde's blue eyes. "Cloud what do you want?" "Sephiroth, I want my sword back." Sephiroth laughed with a gleam in his eyes. "What makes you think I'd EVER give you your sword back?" Cloud began crying. "PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEE!! I want it so badly! I raised it ever since it was a thumbtack!!!"

Flashback

(Queen's, "You're My Best Friend," playing)

12 Year-old Cloud dances with a small thumbtack in a field.

14 Year-old Cloud cries as he points to a needle stuck in his foot

16 Year-old Cloud throws a random knife at Aeris

22 Year-old Cloud beats up Sephiroth with a sword.

End Flashback

"Cloud, none of those things were the same item. In fact, you bought your sword last week and decided to beat me up with it." Cloud was sobbing now. "I DON'T CARE! I JUST WANT MY LOVEABLE, HUGGABLE SWORD BACK!" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "How is a sword huggable?" "It just is! Anyways, I need it back because if I don't get it, I'll die of boredom!" Sephiroth laughed. "Good."

_2 hours later…_

Sephiroth was walking when he saw a letter in his mailbox. When he opened it he saw that he was invited to a party being held by Tifa. "Hmm, do I want to go?" Tifa popped up randomly. "Yes, because if you don't, life as you know it will end." "Nuh uh!!!" Sephiroth yelled.

Then Tifa vanished.

Sephiroth pulled out his stuffed piggy Mr. Waddleypoopysmaffleganger and held him close to him while he watched TV. "Tifa won't kill me just cause I didn't go to her party. There's nothing to worry about!"

_Tifa's party…  
_

Cloud sat on the floor sucking on his thumb. "Swordy… I need Swordy…" Tifa stared at him with disbelief on her face and finally slapped him. "Stop being a baby!"

Yuffie was arguing with Cid. "Dammit, I'll tell you, young lady. Mine is much bigger than his!" he yelled pointing at Barrett. Barrett shook his head. "You'd be lucky if it's the same size as that dog's!" he said pointing at Red XIII. Red XIII sighed and said, "I don't even had one." Yuffie looked at him with sympathy. "It's okay Red XIII. We don't all NEED fingers. Paws are just as good." Cid meanwhile was comparing his finger size to Barrett.

Barrett won.

Tifa disappeared randomly. Yazoo then busted the door open. "Prepare for trouble!" Loz burst in as well. "Make it triple." Then Kadaj walked in angrily and yelled, "That doesn't rhyme!"

_Reno_

Reno was walking down the street and stopped at the torn down McDonalds only to find a few cops and a small white circle on the ground. "Hey, what's goin on?!" An officer looked up. "There's been a murder, sir. We believe this is the murderer," he said holding up a sketch of Sephiroth in a dress. "The man looks familiar," Reno muttered, "but the outfit is all wrong. I don't know him." The officer looked at the picture. "This is a guy?" "So who's the deceased?" Reno asked questioningly. "A nugget." "A NUGGET?!" "A Chicken McNugget to be exact." "Oh my God…" "Yeah… The poor guy had a family. A wife named Chicky and a kid named Junior. While this transvestite is out killing people," he said referring to the sketch, "people are losing their families." Reno began to sob. "It's terrible!" The officer cried too. "Yes it is!"

_Sephiroth's place_

The lights shut down. Sephiroth stood up armed with his stuffed piggy. "Wh-who's there? I have a pig and I'm not afraid to use it!" He heard footsteps. "Waddleypoopysmaffleganger! I choose you!" he yelled before throwing the pig. "Uhhh maybe I should go to Tifa's party," he said to himself… The lights came back on. "Nah I'll just stay." They turned back off. "FINE I'LL GO!" he said before running out the door.

Tifa shook her head as she walked out of the hallway where the light switch was.

_Party_

Sephiroth walked into Tifa's house and saw Cloud sucking his thumb, Yuffie petting Red XIII, Barrett and Cid comparing their fingers, and Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo eating Doritos. "This sucks," he said. Aeris walked in and looked around. She smiled at Sephiroth. Sephiroth turned around. "Holy crap! Didn't you die?" Her eyes got all shifty and Cloud jumped up and ran towards her. "THIS BAD, BAD MAN STOLE MY SWORD!" he said pointing at Sephiroth. "What a shame," she said. Cloud smiled at Aeris and was about to kiss her but she pulled away. "Let's play spin the bottle!" she yelled holding up a bottle and smiling at Sephiroth. "Wait, where'd you get the bottle?" he asked her but they all ran towards the middle of the room.

Cloud screamed, "I'm first!" and he spun the bottle. It landed on Tifa. "Dammit!" he muttered to himself as she leaned towards him. "Well Cloud, time to kiss me." He kissed her on the cheek and pushed her away. Aeris laughed. "From this point on only kisses on the lips!" Tifa sighed. Cloud was relieved. He hated Tifa. Next was Sephiroth's turn. It landed on… Aeris. She smiled giddily and pulled him towards her. Sephiroth tried resisting when… "STOP!!!" Cloud pulled Aeris away from Sephiroth. "Hey she's my girlfriend! Back off!" Sephiroth put his hands up. "Gladly." Aeris glared at Cloud. "But I love Sephiroth!" Tifa put her hands on her hips. "And I love you Cloud!" Red XIII sighed. "I feel no love." Cid was busy making out with Yuffie. Suddenly…

"Hey we're here for the party!" Everyone turned towards the front door only to see Sora, Riku, and Kairi standing there. "Wrong game, retards!" Vincent yelled out. "When did you get here?" Tifa asked. Vincent's eyes got all shifty and he suddenly disappeared. Everyone was all oO and turned back to the Kingdom Hearts characters. "Hey we're sorta like Final Fantasy people. So let us stay." Sora said bravely.

Yuffie walked over to them. "Oh come on. Sora and Riku are cute. Not Kairi but…" Kairi got angry and kicked Yuffie. Sora turned and looked at her. "Ahem, Kairi, you can leave." Riku nodded. "As long as we can stay." Cloud laughed. "Hey Winnie the Pooh is throwing a Disney party down the street. You can hang out with him and get wasted on Hunny." Everyone else laughed and the three walked out the door.

_Pooh's Party_

Xemnas sat on a chair quietly and angrily. "Dammit. This sucks!" Axel set Piglet on fire and the Organization walked out.

_Tifa's Party_

So Spin the Bottle was a dud and now everyone was talking about their feelings. "I think Sephiroth can be rude and harsh at times. Seriously it's like… He has no care for anyone else." Sephiroth grumbled at Cloud's stupidity. "Cloud shut up."

Tifa nodded. "You're just mad cause he took your damned sword. Get over it." Everyone else agreed and Cloud began crying. "You'll see! One day I'll… I'll go emo!" He ran away and everyone just stared. Then no one cared (hehe that rhymed). Sephiroth stood up and went looking for some ham. But he couldn't find any. A voice called him from outside. "Sephiroth… Psttttttt…." Sephiroth turned and walked outside. "RUDE?!" "Shhhh! Now Sephiroth, I got some information that Reno is gonna bust you tonight. For the murder of the nugget." Sephiroth stared in disbelief. "You can talk?" Rude sighed. "Yes but that's not important. Now what is important is that---" Some aliens beamed him up from space just then. Sephiroth shrugged and walked into the house.

Tifa sighed. "This party sucks. Let's beat up Yuffie!" Everyone cheered and pulled out a weapon but Vincent accidentally shot Aeris. She died. Everyone turned and looked at Vincent. His eyes got all shifty and he disappeared. Again…

So now Cid had pulled out his Highwind and started smacking Yuffie and Sephiroth joined in to kick her. Everyone was beating her up and finally she just flew away.

Cloud walked into the house dressed completely in black. His hair was black, his eyeshadow was black, his lipstick was black, even his blush was black! Everyone turned and stared at him. "I hate my life!" he shouted and they all laughed. Kadaj pointed. "It's Halloween! Everyone throw rocks!" Suddenly a bunch of rocks pelted Kadaj in the back and he died.

Cloud turned to Sephiroth. "I hope you're happy. I might commit suicide. It's in my diary. And look at my wrists!" He held up his arms and Tifa sighed. Someone shouted, "That was done with Sharpie!" and everyone turned to see Yuna. "Dammit get out of here!" Sephiroth shouted and she ran away. So now Cloud was emo. And he had no sword. "So what if it was done with Sharpie. If I had my sword they'd be real." "There's a butter knife back there, if you wanna really do it." Cloud cried. "No! That would hurt!"

Suddenly, Reno and some cops busted in and held up FBI badges. "Sephiroth Tinkles…" Everyone stared at Sephiroth and he sighed. "Yes that's my last name." Then everyone got a good happy laugh. Then Reno continued, "You are under arrest for…" "STEALING MY SWORD!?" "No… For killing a nugget. But now you've got it for murder AND stealing. Twice the sentence!" Sephiroth groaned as they put handcuffs on him and took him "downtown." Cloud laughed. "FINALLY MY VENGEANCE!"

Okay that's the end of Chapter 2.

Will Cloud get his sword back?

What happened to Rude?

Why does Aeris keep dying?

Why does Vincent keep disappearing?

Who cares about the size of a finger?

And what's gonna happen to Sephiroth?

Find out in Chapter 3!!!


End file.
